i said hello. you

ran. the swift cutting breeze, the intensity of how you
feel. lack. i stand under the sycamore tree, pushing my dark rim frame closer. shield
me, protect me. the lens fail. eyes pool. i think.
i usually dash. for you, i stood. cathartic, hurting,

vulnerable. i stretched hello and you fled. leaving
me with. 'was it meant to be?' Oh, I Ling-
eR one more time. remove my spectacles, finger-dig into my eyes. don't!
don't give in. i raise my face to the wind, needing its harsh, loving
wash. still. the trembling in my heart. still. respite. a moment before
i face the inevitable - my vacant side, my empty hands.

'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.' bullcrap. said
by someone who never did both. loneliness is not i'm alone but i'm
aware of it. You. Gave. Up.

before we started. how do I reconcile? trust, hope, leaping hearts are for lethargic fools. i need to keep moving. i turn to the tree. trace my hand on the bark that could held what could have been. devoid. i say

goodbye. i am letting you go. even when a leap beats at the thought of
your name. go. but know. you ruined me for the next.