The search for success
I was told since my childhood to search for success
right at the moment when understanding
curve balls and intertwines strands by strands with competition.
My eyes squint and my stomach reels at the thought that someone okaying
my decisions is all that should matter. It doesn't seem like it matters if the totality
of my belief says that life
should be worth more than a few crumbs or that a baby’ life
is worth more than a woman working 9 to 5, beating success
at its game. Maybe I need to retrace my life in order to grasp the total
chaos that striving for literal understanding
has brought into my life. Okay
maybe, the answer lies in some competition–
Last night at the public relations student meeting, I froze at a competition
the question, whether interning should be scrapped from being life.
All I could think of was fuck! I was blank. Okay!
I also thought about successfully
showing I understood
the words that spewed out. I lost the election because I was blank. Totally.
Success has me knotted about competing. Life hates fairness
on my understanding. I’m not okay with this form. Fuck it!
right at the moment when understanding
curve balls and intertwines strands by strands with competition.
My eyes squint and my stomach reels at the thought that someone okaying
my decisions is all that should matter. It doesn't seem like it matters if the totality
of my belief says that life
should be worth more than a few crumbs or that a baby’ life
is worth more than a woman working 9 to 5, beating success
at its game. Maybe I need to retrace my life in order to grasp the total
chaos that striving for literal understanding
has brought into my life. Okay
maybe, the answer lies in some competition–
Last night at the public relations student meeting, I froze at a competition
the question, whether interning should be scrapped from being life.
All I could think of was fuck! I was blank. Okay!
I also thought about successfully
showing I understood
the words that spewed out. I lost the election because I was blank. Totally.
Success has me knotted about competing. Life hates fairness
on my understanding. I’m not okay with this form. Fuck it!
A version of this poem initially was published by Ynaija as part of its 30 days 30 voices series.
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