Orange Is The New Black (#OITNB): You Need to be Watching

On Thursday, with all my irritation and darkness, I surfed through Netflix to sight Orange is the New Black(OITNB) at my topmost feed. So, I thought to myself. Why not give it a try? If the first episode is bad, you get out. I haven't watched Hemlock Grove and gave up on Arrested Development after a couple episodes. As I clicked on it, I hoped it was like House of Cards. It was and much better.

First twenty seconds, the series punches you in the gut. You can either leave at this point or journey further. If you decide to proceed, you have to drop all preconceived notions. Boys and girls around the globe probably pulled up a bit more. In my case, I raised my right eyebrow in interest. The moment hits me. While others see a steamy shower, I see a stance, a promise, the first line of the book. The director, writer, producer and actors promise me no bullshit story.

Brief synopsis: Piper Chapman, a woman living in New York City, gets sentenced to fifteen-months imprisonment at the Litchfield women's federal prison for smuggling a suitcase full of drug money, ten years ago, for Alex Vause, her former lover and international drug smuggler. While serving her sentence, Chapman shows us a side of prison most aren't familiar with.

"Larry, by the time I get out, there'll have been, like, three new generations of iPhones." -- Piper

At the first sight of the prison, I wonder, like everyone else. Are we in a prison or a glorified boarding school? I mean, come on! My brain slaps me. Murewa, no bullshit story. There, I deconstruct and reconstruct my expectation and stereotype about prison. I fall a little bit in love. In questioning, I do exactly what the #OITNB crew and cast want. I open my eyes to the reality that prison isn't always about maximum security. There are minimum security prisons. No bullshit story!

I meet Alex Vause and fall a little bit more in love. Well, Alex is the kind of character I like, plus she wears glasses. Alex is the right mixture of narcissistic, tough and venerable. She's quite confident and brassy enough to tell Piper at their very first meet "I work for an international drug cartel" with a straight face smile at the question "and what do you do, Alex, besides making fun of strangers in a bar?" Who does that? At this point, I am like, sign me up. Alex's also deeply scarred. You realize just how much Piper leaving her broke her and you ache with her. You're willing to forgive the fact that she threw Piper under the bus and named her to the FBI. You feel a kinship with Alex. It's more than the one who got away. But, the one who frakking ripped out your heart, stepped on it all the way to the door, turned back at the door to gloat and left with the remnant. Your heart thuds at the dryer scene and flips a little at Alex's "don't you f__cking leave me" scream, the baby-scared look on her face, the look on Piper's face, the slow music,

and Piper's "okay -- I'm here" response. You know you're experiencing something sacred, something secret, something you should know about but don't. So, you just solemn the moment. Later, you realize that the scene is eerily similar to another scene. Only this time, Piper's action is different. This time, she stays.

You want to know if she fingered her? I think that's already been established. -- Howard, Larry's father and Piper's attorney

You get sucked into every inmate's life, drama and backstory. Your heart skips a bit at realizing that Kate Mulgrew is Red. Crazy Eyes weirds you out and you feel a little bit of pride in knowing the actress playing her is Nigerian. Lorna's unique voice and her bright red lipstick make her Hispanic racist comments adorably hilarious! You laugh and kick yourself for laughing. Then, you mimic Alex: lean in a little closer and say "just more of that please." Pennsatucky's meth addled Jesus freak showcase kills it every time. All the characters are amazing, except for Larry. I will be mighty pissed if Piper goes back to him. In this regard, I hope the series doesn't follow the lines of the book to the T. The series writers better not mess with the OTP. The last episode makes you gasp, you get mad at the orange screen. Wait, did that happen? How does it change Piper? Where's season two? Oh no!

I can go on and on about the series. But, I'm going to stop here. I did my best to not give the plot away. The series is great and you should watch it.

Moral of the story: don't have a drug runner girlfriend, even if she takes you on an exhilarating ride all over the world, looks like brunette Laura Prepon, wears a cute of glasses, and flirts with her glasses. Don't have a drug runner girlfriend! Also, don't insult prison food while the head cook just offered you contraband Yoplait yogurt. If you do, you get served a raw McTampon sandwich for breakfast. And the one relationship rule: don't ever break up with someone in Paris. Never ever! There's no justification for that. Wait, the last part is just me.