Nollywood Review: De Cliq

I have always wanted to write a review for Nollywood but wondered if I might make positive criticism though. And all the movies I really want to write on, are either in the theater that I have no access to or have not been produced yet. So, presently watching a movie on 9jatube.com. Boring night and I refuse to sleep. I must confess there is nothing too superb about the movie except that Alexander Lopez is in it and I haven't seen her in a decade. So I'm like, why not write about?

The movie starts with the normal annoying non-diegetic sounds that only Nollywood produces: loud and unclassifiable sound with the credits rolling. Then, we are introduced to the major characters. Alexander in a brown poker-dot blouse that seems to draw one's attention to her boobies. Oge Okoye walks in in a gold top and a black short. Chika Ike and Thelma Okodua walk in one after the other too. And all of them complain about Alexander drinking vodka at two in the afternoon, in respectively annoying voices. Then Alexander talks and I'm like dang I really miss her, fresh breathe to the mix. In between the talk, the non-diegetic sound is still ringing louder than the conversation. Really Nollywood needs to stop doing this and put more effort in getting both diegetic and non-diegetic sounds right.
Kaboom, the reason for the meeting is Alexander wants all of them to move in with her. Are you frigging kidding me? She couldn't call them or something. They basically walk into an establishment, order one glass of vodka for Alexander, one glass of water(I think) for Chika Ike and walk out. End of meeting. I am shaking my head at this point.

Then, there is a low angle shot of Alexander talking in front of her salon. The cameraman zooms (instead of panning) to get a close-up of her. The diegetic sound is all over the place as the wind interferes with the recording. I really do not understand why the director or cinematographer decided to use this shot as she wasn’t looking down, nor were they trying to impose nobility or make her look bigger. An eye level shot would have been better. But, welcome to Nollywood.

Next scene, I am once again confronted with Alexander booby (it’s in your face). And the usual showing of passing cars that make you wonder how the scene contributes to the development of the story line. Then, we are shown the house they are moving into. The TV is on as usual and the house in impeccable condition.

Then, Oge walks in wearing some white-orange-green top. Wait, I thought Oge just waka come back 9ja ni. Okay oh, I comment my reserve. Bob Manuel is in the movie. I shall term this movie as “Old Nollywood meet New Nollywood."

Chai, see the SMALL boy Alexander was supposed to marry. Dear casting director, una chop craze, abi you don high? And her parents are well-to-do and are always pestering her on why she had broken up with him? I can’t believe this.

At this point, I better stop typing and enjoy the movie. Honestly, this movie is like any other movie but kinda like "Girl's Cot." I must confess that this analysis didn't go the way I wanted. Ko ni ori, ko de ni iru. I would rate the movie 5/10 sha.